By Harper Davis
Eternals
Eternals. The superhero-origin-story we’ve all been waiting for. Epic fight scenes and new heroes to admire. It looked epic in the trailers, but how good was it really?
Marvel Studios’ Eternals has been talked about in the press recently for being Marvel's first bad movie. And although I disagree that it's Marvel's first, I will say that critics and audiences aren't entirely wrong about the “bad” part of that statement. I was actually excited to watch the movie before I saw it, because I was excited to see a new kind of Marvel movie. Yet bizarrely, coming out of the theater I felt that all of the things I was excited for in the movie ended up being dull. All the things I thought I would hate about the movie I actually didn't mind too much.
It’s not bad overall, but I will say that the movie at it’s core doesn't work. This is because most of the characters in the movie are laughably bland. The main character, Sersi, is a great example of this. Throughout the entire movie she just doesn’t display a single character trait, other than the fact that she owns a phone and loves Earth. The movie never takes the time to show us WHY she loves Earth, and WHY she loves human beings. Other than a walk through some village, all of our “why”s are left unanswered. This is something that happens with a lot of these characters. We are either told their personality traits (if they're lucky enough to get any) or we don't see anything that actually makes them interesting. Ma Dong-Seok, playing Gilgamesh, was an actor I was excited to see in this movie. He has been great in other films, such as Train to Busan. Although there were some charming scenes of him in the movie, he was given very little to work with. Other than Angelina Jolie as some nuanced love interest. Characters had potential, they just didn’t live up to it.
Content Warning: For those that want a clean slate when they sit down for the movie, there are very slight spoilers ahead!
Another thing that bothers me about this movie is how the plot is framed. I'm not going to spoil anything major, but earlier in the movie there is a small twist revolving around the motivations behind some very important characters in the movie. It sets up the hero's journey in a negative way, because it makes all the good guys in the movie ultimately wrong and it makes me ultimately root against some of them.
FINAL VERDICT:
Overall this movie was not for me, but I can understand if a lot of other people might like it. It has an incredible scale to it and some breathtaking visuals, the film’s scope was huge, and it even included the first deaf hero. But personally I didn't really enjoy this movie. Sure, Marvel isn’t known for its character development in movies, but just a little something that makes you want to root for the characters would be nice. The characters weren’t root-forable or interesting, good actors played disappointing roles, and the plot wasn’t something to invest in. Overall, I'll give it a 3/10. Watch Eternals with a grain of salt.
If you don’t want to waste time watching it, have a friend who saw it recap it to you or watch a recap video, and make sure to go watch the end credit scenes on YouTube.
The Official Movie Scale:
10: A gift from the gods above. A movie that not only has everything you could ever want in a movie, but says something personal about you as a viewer. A film that hits you so hard that it can't be anything less than a 10.
9: A masterpiece. A damn good movie that has pretty much everything you could want in it, and then some. A film that is universally loved by everybody.
8: Great. A solid film that might not go the extra mile, but is pretty good all the way through. Would definitely be worth a rewatch if you're in the mood.
7: Pretty good. A pretty solid film you find a lot of good qualities in, but could use some improvement. Still, overall a pretty good movie to revisit.
6: Okay. A film that is just “fine”. Ultimately doesn’t have anything very special outside of it being a good movie. You'll probably watch it once or twice.
5: The true neutral. A bland, mediocre movie that doesn't make you happy or unhappy and doesn’t really do anything special. A movie you could forget about after a week.
4: Meh. A pretty bad movie that either doesn't engage you in a meaningful way, or annoys you. It does a few things right, but ultimately isn’t worth watching unless you are going with someone who really likes the movie.
3: Dull. A movie that is boring, dull, annoying, enraging, or just bad. You’ll be looking at your phone when you're supposed to be watching the movie. A film that just doesn’t catch your attention.
2: Horrendous. A movie in which you have no right to clap at the end because it's so horrendously bad that someone during the filmmaking process should have stood up and said we need to stop what we're doing. It was a mistake making it.
1: A war crime against humanity. A film so horrendously bad that it never should have existed.
(PLEASE NOTE: These reviews are based on how much I enjoyed the movie! It’s an opinion! It doesn't matter if a movie is really really bad, as long as I enjoy it, it'll get a positive rating!)
What film should I review next?
Spider-Man: Far From Home
Five Feet Apart
Groundhog Day
Kong: Skull Island
Shark Tale
Comment Bellow!
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